However, I've been doing a lot a lot a lot of soul searching lately. Also, I've been doing a lot a lot a lot of complaining about China. I'm surprised my eyes can still focus for as much as I roll them. Let's be honest guys. I HATE IT HERE. I hate it. I hate living here.
whew. I'm glad that's off of my chest.
They say having kids changes you. My mom has said it to me my whole life, "You wait and see, things change when you have kids. Everything is different. You'll see." (You were right, Mom.) She also said having kids was the best. How could it not be? Look how awesome I am. ;)
From the moment after my son was born, I discovered how clueless I was about life. Maybe it's a similar feeling when Adam and Eve realized they were naked all along. But really, we brought Danny home, and I was like: Holy crap! I'm in charge of this human being! So first there's panic, then exhaustion, then more panic, then more exhaustion. So the silver lining of this cycle is that the exhaustion is so overwhelming that I'm too tired to get so wound up anymore. Back in the day, living in Korea, I remember wallowing in homesickness. I thought life was so hard. I miss my family, I miss my dog, Life in Korea is hard. Yeah. Maybe in North Korea. Teaching in South Korea for ONE year was a piece of cake. It was fun, I made friends, I had life experiences. But I still managed to complain and brood in the shallowest of crap. Seriously? I'm embarrassed to even admit it to you now.
I would love to give credit to being older and wiser since 4 years ago. But, I'm straight up going to give credit to exhaustion.
Comparing situations, my life in Shanghai may be (a tad bit) harder than living in Cheongju because we are in a different position now, i.e. we have a kid. As much as I hate living in Shanghai, I'm too tired to be depressed and dwell on it. I think the old me would be really mopey. But ain't nobody got time for that with a kid. He's in to everything. All the time. What a huge misconception I had about stay-at-home moms. I was thinking, yeah, I know it's hard work. But it can't be that hard. Ha ha ha. Wrong again. Dearest moms, aunts, and grandmas: I took your advice. I freaking sleep when that baby sleeps. It's like my life depends on it.
But he sure is cute, right? And sweet. And I love him. Oh my gosh, do I love him!
Blah blah blah. I'm thankful for all the things. But here's a twist:
I'm really thankful that this little ball of sunshine came into my world because of his insane ability to fully exhaust me and rejuvenate me at the same time. It makes living here manageable. He's given me perseverance. I have a new perception about the speed of time and splendor of life because of him. Nearly a whole year has gone by in his life and I'm in denial. Though this Shanghai chapter seems never ending, I know it will finish. One day, I'll wake up in disbelief that it's over. Danny's there to remind me as he grows up, that everything is temporary and passes in a flash. Thanks for your superpowers, kid.
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