Paparazzi

There's a huge learning curve when it comes to parenting. I thought it would be easier (go ahead, laugh at my naivety). But, figuring things out in China is even more peculiar. I would imagine in the States, taking a baby out is a little less scary.

Here are the things I have to consider when taking the baby out:

Transportation: Do I take the subway? bus? or taxi? We don't do car seats and we've not yet bought a stroller. I've only taken Danny in a taxi, and it seems every single time he wails and wails and wails! I would imagine this would be less frustrating in your own vehicle where you don't have a taxi driver turning up the radio over the crying while judging your parenting skills. I've avoided the bus and subway for two reasons really: the crowds and the attention. Yesterday I took the bus on my own and it was so crowded. People were pushing and squeezing. I was doing my best to keep from toppling over a little old lady seated in front of me. How are you supposed to deal with that with a baby strapped to you? The same situation applies on the subway, sometimes that's even worse.

Smog: When it's bad outside, it's worse for a baby. You can feel it on your clothes, in your eyes, down your throat. It's disgusting. Why would I want to expose this dear little boy to that crap? Josh's sweet band mates gifted us with an air purifier when Danny was born. I am so thankful! Now we have a sanctuary in which we can hide out while we look out at the haze outside.

Changing the baby: In the States, you can can find changing stations pretty much anywhere you go. Or worst case scenario, you can change him in your car. What's a mom to do in Shanghai where most places don't have public bathrooms. Or, if they do, it's just a hole in the ground. True story. Now I understand why they change their babies on the restaurant tables (but it's still nasty).

Attention: In America, a crying baby creates attention. Sure, that happens anywhere. Here too. Though, we've already got plenty of attention. It used to be that Josh and I would get stared out for my blond hair, his big red beard, or our light colored eyes. Throw a white baby in there and you've got the paparazzi on you. I'm not kidding.

Last week, Josh and I were invited to join some friends for dinner at the local Chinese Muslim restaurant in our neighborhood. Because we were close enough to home, I knew we wouldn't have to worry about the transportation, smog, or changing a diaper. But oh, the attention!

We got there early, and you would have thought Brangelina walked in with their twenty kids. All the workers crowded around us grabbing Danny's feet and hands, patting his head. They were all smiles asking how old he was, when he was born, etc. Then we were seated and the attention intensified. Out came the camera phones. From every angle, servers and patrons were snapping pictures of our baby. I turned around to look behind my seat and there was a woman reaching over the booth with her camera. OMG. Our friends showed up and the attention died down a bit because were were no longer "The white baby" but now "the group of foreigners" but I still noticed many people pointing and whispering throughout our meal.

I guess we got a little taste of what celebrities must feel like. Holy cow, it was awful! I'm saying this only because I DO NOT like a lot of attention. I get nervous when too many people are looking at me at once and sometimes I even get a tic. Everyone was just curious and excited. It's not every day they get to see a (super) white baby with huge blue eyes. But please, China, let us be wallflowers!

And that is why Danny and I are hermits.

Bad, Worse, Worst, Best

Warning: Read at your own risk.... possible TMI!

I've decided to document my birth experience, because I'm afraid that one day I will forget how freaking awful it was and think I want to get pregnant again. So, enjoy. Your sympathy and admiration are welcomed.

As many of you know, my due date came and went. I was due on November 30th. By December 7th, I was concerned that I would have to be induced. I really really really wanted an all natural birth. Lucky me! I started to have solid contractions that morning, and they actually were getting close together. Hooray, I went into labor naturally and this meant the baby was on his way!

Day 1.

Josh and I knew not to jump the gun and go to the hospital right away because we knew early labor could take awhile. So, I got cozy at home (approximately 8am). Josh went to work while I watched movies, took warm baths, and did my best to relax. Josh came home in the afternoon, and by the evening the contractions were almost consistently 4 minutes apart. We learned in the birth class the right time to go to the hospital was "4-1-1" in which the contractions were 4 minutes apart, 1 minute long, going for 1 hour. We had gotten there. We were going to wait until they were 3 minutes apart just to be sure.... the weird thing was that I would have these contractions 4 minutes apart, then I'd go 10 or 15 minutes without one. But then I'd continue on to 4 minutes apart again. This went for awhile. The pain was getting stronger and we had finally made it a whole hour in which the contractions were 3 minutes apart just at midnight. I'm glad the taxi ride wasn't too long, because I felt so uncomfortable trying to manage the pain of the contractions in the cab!

Day 2.

We got to the hospital early on December 8th (12:30am). I was hurting, but my excitement numbed the pain. After a quick check-in, we were settled into our VIP room. It was a bit worn in, but it was fine for us. Our doula, Alison arrived shortly after us. The doctor came in to check my progress. I'm thinking this baby is on his way, but my cervix said otherwise. You know the goal is 10 cm, right? Well.... a long day's work for.....one HALF centimeter. Besides opening up, the cervix also has to thin out (called effacement). The doctor said that I was making progress in that area. Well, that's something. I was feeling optimistic. Okay, body. You're doing something. Just open that cervix so the baby can come out!

Alison, Josh, and I discussed the situation. I was hopeful. Alison recommended that I try to get a little sleep since I still had a long way to go. I did my best, but the pain was just too unbearable to sleep through. I walked around, I showered, I lied, I sat, I cringed. Josh and Alison did their best to help ease my pain by rubbing my back and making sure I had plenty to eat and drink. I was happy that we hired Alison because it allowed for Josh to get some sleep too. As it ended up, I did not get any sleep. The contractions stayed between 3 and 4 minutes apart all night long into the morning. Around 7 am the doctor checked me again. The cervix hadn't opened at all! I about lost it. I couldn't believe how quick I was to throw the towel in either. After the doctor told me that, I immediately suggested a C-section. I knew nothing was going to happen, and I had been awake for a solid 24 hours in intense pain. How was I supposed to continue enduring these contractions on no energy? And even if I got to the point of pushing, I'm already worn out.

My natural birth advocates totally blew me off, and started asking the doctor what our options were. Alison suggested I take a narcotic, to calm the pain so that I could just get some rest. I ended up getting an injection of Pethidine (or Demerol) at 10 am, and finally I could relax. I know I compromised my "all-natural" birth, but after dealing with over 24 hours of labor with nothing to show for it.......whatever. Just, whatever.

It wasn't the best sleep I've ever had, but I did manage to get a couple of hours. While I slept, Alison had gone home for rest, Josh slept beside me. By 2 pm the medicine had worn off and I was feeling the strong contractions again. I was ready to take on the day. I had a good attitude, and though the pain was continuing to increase, I was motivated.

Josh and I spent the day welcoming the contractions. We played the entire Beach Boys catalog as well as some Bob Marley. I was bobbing and dancing around trying to stay relaxed and encourage the baby to make an appearance. Alison rejoined us in the early evening. At 6:30 pm, the doctor checked my progress. I had gone from a half cm to ONE cm. All day long and only a HALF CENTIMETER PROGRESS?! I was so frustrated. It was like an exact repeat of the day before. The doctor said the cervix was still thinning well, just not opening. Again I suggested a C-section, but my birth helpers and doctor told me to keep trying for a vaginal delivery. I bit my lips, continued my routine of sitting, squatting, swaying, moaning, etc., until the doctor checked my progress at 11:00 that night. Surprise, surprise: 5 more hours and ZERO progress. In fact, I was moving backwards. From the trauma of contractions, my cervix that was previously effaced, was now swollen. The doctor said the only way to fix this was to simply "relax."  Get out.

Talk about a meltdown. I wanted to die. I didn't care if the hospital blew up and we all died. I just wanted it all to end. I begged for a c-section. Begged. I think I was literally begging down on my knees at one point. Alison was discussing our options with the doctor. The doctor tried giving me a pep talk while she squeezed my hand, "Brittany, you can do this. You don't need a cesarean. Don't you want to have more babies? You just need to relax!" Josh thought I was going to punch her, but actually I did appreciate her encouragement. Several times through the night, I'd break away into the bathroom for a hot shower. It was there, when I was alone, that I would regroup and reflect on the situation. I had to get through this. The doctor is right, I don't really want a cesarean. My body is capable. It's just taking a freakishly long time for some reason....

Alison suggested that I get an epidural to numb the pain (again) so I could simply get some rest. The doctor said no, because I was only 1 cm dialated.  The protocol was that women were allowed to get an epidural only once they'd reached 2 cm and at that point they must be transferred to the delivery room (I was just in a labor room I guess). It sounds like nothing, but at the rate I was going.... it could be a whole day away before I reached 2 cm. I guess Alison and the doctor decided to reassess the situation in a few hours at my next cervix check.

Day 3.

At 1 am, the doctor checked again and saw that the cervix had opened just a little (not to 2 cm) but she agreed to an epidural so I could get some sleep.But she warned me that I must relax. I said, "I'm trying" and she replied, "No, you can't just try. You have to relax." She meant that I couldn't push or tense up my pelvic muscles because that's what was causing the swelling. Thanks for the pressure, Doc. At 2 am my epidural was administered and good ol' fashioned drugs were being pumped into my system. Finally RELIEF!!! I've never been so thankful for anything like I was for that epidural. I've heard horror stories about them, how they sometimes don't fully work or have adverse effects. But not me. For once in this 3 day ordeal- something went RIGHT! I got two hours of sleep, no longer feeling the contraction pain in my abdomen. Instead, I was dealing with an intense pressure in my pelvis. The little guys head was down there, and I really really had to resist the instinct to push him out. The doctor checked my progress again at 4 am. I made it to 2 cm (holy cow, let's throw a dang party!) and the swelling had neither increased or gone down.

By 7 am, the doctor reviewed our options again. At this point, she was almost insisting on a C-section. But we'd made it this far, Alison, Josh, and I decided to keep shooting for the vaginal delivery.  Then the doctor gave another option (and I'm still scratching my head as to why she didn't suggest it the day before) which was a cervical injection that reduces swelling (Seriously. What the %&$#!!!!). So, we decided to get the injection, get another dose of epidural, and an IV pitocin (which causes stronger and more painful contractions). At 8 am, I had made it to 3 cm but was still swollen. They began to check me every hour, and I was really making progress. At 11 am, I had made it all the way to 6 cm. The pitocin was strong and the epidural had worn off, so I got another dose. At 1 pm I had made it to 9 cm. That last epidural was wearing off, the pain was bad, and a new doctor decided to go ahead and open the cervix on her own. Owwwwwwww!!!!

The doctor that had been with us for the last 24 hours had finally ended her shift, and now we were in the delivery room with strangers. In fact, I don't know why, but the doctors and nurses kept accumulating. By the time it was all said and done, there were about 10 people in there besides Josh, Alison, and I.

At 2 pm, I got the green light to start pushing. At first all the doctors were there, watching, coaching, trying to get the baby to come out. I was lying on my back like in the movies and nothing was happening. I don't know when, but they realized nothing was happening for awhile that they all left us to our own devices. Then we got creative and Alison used her midwifery skills to suggest various pushing positions to try. Doctors and nurses kept popping in to look at the spectacle. Eventually, I was back on my back with the crowd around me shouting "Push, push, push!"

They kept saying they could see the head, but  I kept waiting for them to say the head was coming out. It seemed like forever. I'm sure everyone says that. But then, I knew when the head was coming out. Holy hell. Yeah, ring of fire... plus razor blades.... and every other painful thing you can imagine at the most sensitive part of a person's body. How are there so many masochistic freaks out there that do this more than once?

The head was out! And within a few seconds (or minutes?) later, our son was born! Official time of birth was 4:50 pm. Labor was roughly 53 hours, and pushing lasted for 3 hours.  I feel like I deserve a medal.

I was so in shock when I saw the baby. He looked like a little alien raisin, which didn't surprise me. It was the fact that he was out. It's like during those 3 days I forgot why I was in this intense pain.  When I held him in my arms, I could already feel my emotional wounds melting away. Physical wounds are another story.

Is this a typical procedure in all hospitals or just in China: To help shrink my uterus back down, the nurses took their fist and pushed as hard as they could on my abdomen. They did this 4 different times and then checked my bleeding. Thanks for the slow motion gut punch, ladies. I never waddled when I was pregnant, but after birth.... what a sight. My body's still recovering three weeks later, and of course, Josh and I are both adjusting to parenthood.

You might be curious what it was like to have a baby in China. The hospital, doctors, nurses, and staff were all wonderful. Everyone was super attentive when they needed to be, and they left us alone when we needed to be left alone. I didn't have that perfect all natural birth, but we all worked together as a team. We never went over our birth plan with any of the doctors until I started pushing! That's when Josh quickly told the doctor our preferences about the umbilical cord and post delivery exam. They were very accommodating.

I've been going on and on about my experience, but poor Danny had quite an ordeal himself. He had an intense cone head, an umbilical cord wrapped around his neck, meconium in his lungs, and a touch of jaundice. He's the bad ass.

He was 9 lbs 4 oz at birth and now he's already up to 11 lbs and wearing 3 month clothes. I admit, this birth was the worst experience I've ever had. But it had beyond the best outcome.  

I love this kid like crazy.