Regrets
- Not doing more in the city before kids- The city is so vibrant and busy. We should have done more! Instead, we lived very modestly to pay off student loans and frankly, we were a bit lazy. Our first year in Shanghai, we lived by the South Railway Station. It was really far from all the cool stuff. All our coworker friends were always doing cool stuff from KTV (karaoke rooms) to music festivals. By the time we moved to the city center the following year, I was pregnant with Danny. We spent so many weekends just hanging out at home when we could have been seeing sights, going to events, taking day trips to neighboring cities......
- Not seeing more of China*- If we would have just gotten off of our lazy butts, we could have seen so much and cheaply at that! There is so much we didn't see or do. Some of the specific things I wish I would have seen: the Harbin Ice Festival, the pandas in Chengdu, and the beaches of Sanya.
- Not traveling more outside of China*- Who doesn't want to travel more, right? I'm bummed that we never took the Trans-Siberian Railway to Russia, or flew down to Australia and New Zealand, or pretty much to any surrounding areas.
- Not learning Chinese- I got by. I could talk to the taxi drivers, I could talk to the checkout lady at the grocery store. I could kind of talk to the lady on the bus who asked how old my baby was. I wish I could have done more. Just understanding and being understood could have made my time in China go more smoothly. So many stupid China moments wouldn't have been as bad if I could have just been understood.
- Not starting sooner to get involved- The expat community is fantastic. I could have and should have started socializing early on with other families. There are so many people that I've met and wanted to get to know better, but of course things come up like a kid gets sick or the air is too smoggy. There were so many "Oh we have got to get together!" but never did. :(
- Waiting to find my groove- I had a bad attitude at the beginning. Our first year in Shanghai, my mentality was to just get through it. But then the second year was open-ended. Would this be the last? Will we stay one more year? Will we stay five more years? I basically scrunched up into a fetal position way longer than I should have, and it resulted in a lack of confidence in myself as a mom and a person. That was lame. By the time we left, I had a tad bit of confidence, structure, and productivity. But it took way too long to get there.
- Not embracing the culture more- This mostly pertains to food for me since it is one of my biggest passions. Between being homesick, craving American comfort food, and being disgusted with all things "China" I missed out on a lot. America is huge. Every region has their own unique flavor and foods. So does China. But I was just over what I had tried, that I was unwilling to branch out to see what else was out there. Shame on you, Brittany. SHAME on you.
- Not getting a bicycle or scooter*- This would have made any outing so snappy, and I wouldn't have the drama of bus or subway commutes. And learning the ropes before two babies strapped to me would have also been a plus.
Because I want to even things out (a little) and try to make myself feel better, here are the things that I'm actually proud of from my time in Shanghai:
Contentment (!)
- Living in Shanghai for more than a year- seriously, the best thing we could have done is move there. Neither of us had a real direction in life before we left. It was in China that we found our new roles as parents, as well as new career paths. The best gift of all was a broadened worldview. I'm so glad that without any reservations, we went for it.
- Moving to a new place our second year and staying there for year 3+- We moved closer to the middle of the city (Xujiahui) after our first year. Josh intended to move closer to his job, but then his job moved on him outside the city. I loved our second place. Josh found a perfect spot for us which was so close to everything. Our apartment was recently renovated and perfect for our soon-to-be family. And, bonus, our landlady was the friggin bomb. We spent the money for something nice, and I don't regret it for a second. We said goodbye to ice cold drafts, the dusty broken wood floor, cockroaches, and rats. WORTH IT.
- The traveling we did do both with and without kids- Before kids we managed to go to Indonesia, Laos, and repeat trips to Thailand and Malaysia. With Bubs #1 we went to Germany and the Philippines. And two trips back home on top of that. There's a lot we didn't do, but with our budget and limited vacation time, we did pretty good. *pats self on the back*
- Having my kids in China- It really was brave of Josh and I. When we shared the news that we were expecting to our families, everyone was freaking out. "You need to come back to the States to have a baby, where the hospitals and doctors are better!" they all said. Well, we figured it out. It wasn't easy by any means. But, like every eccentric "life in China" thing, it was normal to us. From finding a hospital, to communicating with doctors, to actual childbirth: we did it. And because our situation wasn't conventional, we did a lot of research regarding childbirth and medical procedures. And I'm so happy to report that I have two healthy blue eyed Shanghai babies born in 2013 and 2015.
- Reaching out to meet other moms- It was pretty easy to make friends our first year in China because we hit it off quickly with our fellow teachers. But, it's really alienating being the only person in your friend group with a kid. No more late nights out for me. I appreciate so much all my kidless friends, especially when they made the effort to work around our kids' schedule. But still, you don't have much social interaction as a stay-at-home mom. That is unless you make the effort. It's so out of character for me to be outgoing. I'm usually a wallflower and it takes awhile for me to make friends. But, I did reach out (!!) via the Shanghai Mamas website. I sought out others in my neighborhood, and quickly I was part of several lively weChat groups of other expat moms in the city. I had found a big, loving family away from home. We enjoyed so many fun get togethers and play dates. I'm so thankful for all my Shanghai friendships: old and new, with or without kids. You guys rock!
- Joining the "Mom to Mom" group- Through all this networking, I got involved in an awesome ministry for mothers at an international church. The commute there was sometimes really difficult, but it was always worth it. I could go on and on about the women I met in this group. They have become some of my closest and dearest friends. But above all, my faith has been rejuvenated. That is the greatest gift my Shanghai experience has given me.
- Spending too much money on imported food- A $16 box of Golden Grahams is worth it. It just is. I'm not going to explain this further.
The End.
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*before kids. Because everything is SOOOOOOOOO much easier when you don't have two little needy mini-me's with you.
