But let me back up. When I became pregnant with Danny, I did so much research. I read all the books, I watched The Business of Being Born, I took a "pro-natural" birth class. I questioned every prenatal test or procedure the doctor wanted to do. I heard that Chinese doctors were quick to do c-sections even if they weren't really necessary. Josh and I were prepared to fight for the birth we wanted. In the end, my all natural non-medicated birth was compromised. And after the wonderful help of an epidural and pitocin to birth my first baby, I realized that birth plans are nonsense. :P Therefore, this time I would take whatever measures possible to get this baby out safely.
We had a different doctor than last time, Dr. Jiang. I have a love/hate relationship with Dr. Jiang. For Danny, we saw Dr. Liu. Dr. Liu was good, she spoke English, and she didn't show us any special attention, if we said we didn't want to do an ultrasound or test, she said "okay." Dr. Jiang on the other hand.....she's probably younger than me, but it's like she's my mother telling me what to do! Every little thing was a "discussion." Something like this happened at every appointment:
Dr. J: You need to ------.
Me: Why?
Dr. J; Because ------.
Josh: Why can't we do --------instead? In America, we do --------.
Dr. J: You can do ------- but --------- is better because --------.
Me: But we don't want to do --------. We would rather do --------.
Dr: J: *shrugs* ...okay.
In Chinese local hospitals, you don't make appointments with doctors. You pay a fee and take a number to wait, or so I thought. One day, Josh got a phone call from the DOCTOR asking why I missed my appointment. What appointment? Also, she gave me her personal cell phone number and told me to call her if I had any abdominal pain or other symptoms. What doctor is this
Around 34 weeks or so, Dr. Jiang couldn't tell the position by just feeling my belly so she wanted to do an ultrasound to know for sure. Usually we butt heads over getting (unnecessary) ultrasounds, but I said sure. All of a sudden, it was a panic. The baby is not head down! The baby is too big! It was hard to not panic along with her. To gain a different perspective, I contacted the American doula I had with Danny's birth to get her thoughts on the topic. Alison, who is also a certified midwife, said that it was too early to be concerned with the baby's position, and in her experience in China, doctors almost always tell foreigners that their babies are too big. *huge sigh of relief*
At 36 weeks, I went back for a check-up. Dr. Jiang was happy to see that the baby was head down, but she was still freaking out about the "too big" baby. I was kind of sick of her worry mongering and her pressure to intervene. So, I purposely went to my next "appointment" a day early, when I knew she wouldn't be there, to see a different doctor who didn't know me or care.
And here's how that all went down.....
Wednesday, October 14th
Josh, Danny, and I arrived at the hospital around 10 am. The lady at reception seemed confused that we were there, but Josh said we just wanted to see whatever doctor that was on duty. That ended up being another young female doctor, Dr. Mao. We had it in our heads that this would be a quick listen of the doppler and measure of the belly. After waiting for over an hour, we were finally called into the doctor's room. A nice surprise was that she spoke English. So, as expected, she measured the belly and got the doppler to check the heart rate. She moved the wand all over and couldn't locate a good clear heart rate. Then she felt around my belly to try to determine the position. She quickly gave up and said we needed to do an ultrasound. We didn't want to do this, so we had another familiar back and forth argument about why we should or shouldn't have an ultrasound. Then she left for a bit, and came back and directed us to another doctor's room. To our surprise it was Dr. Liu (the doctor we saw through out our first pregnancy). Dr. Liu was now one of the chief physicians, and another surprise, she didn't seem to know who we were or speak English. really?
Dr. Mao translated for the most part and at times Dr. Liu talked to Josh directly in Chinese. Dr. Liu was there to check the position and find the heart rate with the doppler, since we were being difficult and wouldn't just pay for an unnecessary ultrasound. So, onto the examination table I went. She felt around, and then moved the doppler wand much higher and found a strong heart beat. Then came the bad news. At 39+4 weeks, the baby had switched positions and was now transverse (horizontal). Then there was a lot of chatting among the doctors and nurses, then out of the blue Dr. Jiang showed up. Where the heck did you come from, Dr. Jiang!?
As it turns out, Dr. Jiang was on duty in the labor and delivery ward, and since we were her difficult patients, they went and fetched her. She sat down with us and a huge, stressful conversation had begun. We had been waiting all morning, and all of a sudden it was an emergency. She said it was urgent that we try to turn the baby to the correct position because I was so far along. She wanted me to be admitted into the hospital that very moment. Which, attempting to turn the baby didn't seem like that big of deal to me, but the condition was that if they were unsuccessful, they would do an immediate cesarean. And either way, I had to stay overnight for monitoring/recovery. I still didn't get why any of this was so urgent. I wasn't even to my due date yet, and the baby could always flip back down in that time. Their argument was that if my water broke when he was transverse, there could be a prolapsed umbilical cord, which can cause all kinds of fetal distress. Ok, I get it lady. Calm down.
It felt like so much pressure. My heart sank as she told me all this, and eventually I couldn't hold in the tears anymore. I wasn't even remotely prepared to have a c-section, let alone a baby that day. It was just about lunch time/ nap time. None of us had eaten, and Danny was restless. All I wanted to do was go home, eat, shower, and have a few final minutes with Danny as my only baby. Dr. Jiang kept pushing me to go upstairs and admit myself into the the hospital that very moment. She said that the room is big enough, Josh and Danny can stay there too, or that Josh could go and leave me there while he tended to Danny. I said no, and that I wanted to arrange for a friend to watch Danny before being admitted. So we argued about this forever (how much valuable time did we waste arguing about it?!) And finally we all agreed that we would come back in the afternoon:
(at 1:00)
Dr.J: Come back at 1:30.
Josh: That's impossible. That's how long it take to get home and back, we will come at 2:30.
Dr. J: Can you come at 2?
Josh: No! We will come at 2:30 or 3. That will give us enough time.
Dr. J: Okay.
We taxied home and I sobbed. I understand that births don't always go as you hope, but I still wasn't expecting any of the information I had received that morning. And, I was nervous to leave Danny at his friend Louis' house. I was irrationally afraid he'd feel neglected and be scarred for life when I didn't show up before bed time. We arrived home, and I began packing my hospital bag, I couldn't get myself to eat much because I was so wound up. As I showered, I reflected on every possible outcome, and basically geared up for a c-section. It won't be that bad. You'll have a baby today! You don't even have to go through labor! You won't have to guess when the baby will come. Today is the day. Be excited! I regained my composure, and was ready to have major surgery and have a new baby boy!
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| one more family picture before the new guy arrives |
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| one picture of the new guy still inside |
We were running a little later than expected, and as we were walking Danny a few blocks over to our friend's house, Dr. Jiang called. It was 3:30. She said, you need to get here before 4:00. Dr. Liu leaves at 4. We began speed walking, and when my dear friend Katty opened the door, Danny ran inside to play with all of his buddy's toys and didn't look back. It was a quick goodbye, then we were off.
We arrived at the hospital quickly, and before I knew it, I was dressed in too-small hospital pants on a sterile operating room table. Josh was not allowed in the operating room, so saying goodbye was strange. He didn't know what to expect when I was wheeled out of there.
As nurses were getting various things prepped and ready, they decide to cover my legs and chest with two heavy quilts. Even with my big belly exposed, I was melting. I kept throwing the quilt on my chest off, and they'd put it back on. When Dr. Jiang came into the room, I asked her if I needed these quilts. She said no, and I said, "good. I'm burning up!" And I threw them off again. She and the nurses found this hilarious because apparently their Chinese patients are always cold and want to be covered. Finally, it was the big moment I'd been waiting for. Dr. Liu came in to maneuver the baby. I asked them how long they would try for before giving up. Dr. Jiang said about 15 or 20 minutes. Dr. Liu said that I would feel a little pain in this procedure (oh! You CAN speak English after all!) I geared up for a 20 minute unsuccessful attempt before the announcement of surgery. But in less than 30 seconds of Dr. Liu pushing on the belly this way and that, it was done. Dr. Jiang announced with a big smile, "It was successful!" Tears of disbelief and joy trailed down my cheeks.
Then came the mummy wrap. Dr. Liu and Dr. Jiang wrapped my belly in this bizarre cloth wrap, and said that I needed to keep it on until I had the baby. It was to keep my uterus tight so the baby would stay in position. It's a China thing.
I still had to stay overnight so they could monitor the baby's heart rate, making sure that he wasn't distressed after the big turn. Josh stayed with me. Katty was so sweet to send constant updates and pictures. Danny did great and went to bed with no problem. I felt such relief: such relief that Danny was okay, and such relief that the turn was successful giving me another chance to have the baby when HE was ready. We went home the next morning, and were reunited with Danny.
Tuesday, October 20th
We went in for a check-up, as Dr. Jiang requested. The reception girl, again looked at us puzzled, as we requested Dr. Jiang when she had no office hours that day. And then I thought to call her. Sure enough....
"Hi Dr. Jiang, it's Brittany. We are here at the hospital."
"I'll be right down."
The baby's heart rate was good, position was good. Then she asked me if we were still against inducing. I said, "We aren't completely against it." That was the wrong thing to say. The next thing I know, she's telling me to come in on Friday for induction, which isn't even 41 weeks yet. I kept asking questions (as usual), but she didn't seem to ever understand what I was asking. Or I'd try to say, something like, "In America, we wait to induce to 42 weeks." I'm really not sure if she didn't understand or just disregarded things I said on purpose. It was getting late and we were all frustrated with each other. So, we went ahead and agreed to come on Friday because I was sick of going around in circles.
Through all of this, you're probably wondering why I'm such a difficult patient. Here's the thing: a lot of times in China, not only in the medical field, things are done because that's just how they've always been done. And no one ever considered that there could be a better way. Josh and I both feel that it's important to question most procedures and tests that they want to do to see if it really is necessary. Because many times, these extra ultrasounds cause a superficial cause for worry, which progresses to unnecessary interventions (ie. inducing labor because the baby seems to be too big which we know because of a superfluous ultrasound that was done late in pregnancy and your estimated due date has passed)
From what I understand, Dr. Jiang's reasons to induce labor are the following:
1. The baby is "too big" because the ultrasound estimates over 4kg (9lbs)
2. She will be on duty on Friday. If we wait, she may not be on duty and we will not have an English speaking doctor (which we weren't expecting anyway)
I was so sick of constantly arguing with her. I felt defeated. I was getting sore and tired of being pregnant. A part of me decided to just give in, do what she said and hope the baby is ready to come out. But the other part believed that the labor would start when the little dude was ready to come. When we got back home, I did some online research to double check all the information we were bantering about. Both the US and the UK generally wait until 42 weeks to induce. My best resource though, is my mother-in-law. With eight births under her belt, I think she knows a thing or two. She agreed that because it isn't "medically necessary," we should wait to induce until sometime the following week. I was dreading yet another argument with Dr. Jiang. So, with the help of my lovely Bible study ladies, I prayed that I would start labor naturally before Dr. Jiang wanted to induce.
Wednesday, October 21st
Stress was overwhelming me after our last appointment. I prayed and prayed. I looked up natural ways to induce labor. I didn't not want to face Dr. Jiang on Friday afternoon. In the evening, I suggested to Josh that we walk all the way to the the brewery for dinner which is about a 30-40 minute walk. To calm my nerves, I had a nice glass of cider, before walking back home. Then, I decided to shake this baby down even more by walking up 7 flights of stairs to our apartment. I made it to the 4th floor before I was out of breath and riding the elevator the rest of the way. My stomach was firm, and stayed that way all night.
Thursday, October 22nd
I woke up at 7, my stomach still felt like an over-sized bowling ball. This was it, but I didn't believe it. Josh kept asking me, "Should I stay home? Are you starting labor?" I said I didn't know, there wasn't any contracting necessarily, my stomach was just solid with a moderate constant cramp. I guess my body waited for Josh to make the decision to stay home, because once he did, contractions started. We started timing them right away at 7:30, and surprisingly, they were steady.
I still didn't believe it. From my long 3 day event with Danny, I was not convinced that anything substantial was happening. Josh took Danny out for a walk and to get groceries. I watched old episodes of 'The Office" while trying to ignore the fact that the pain was steadily increasing as the contractions continued. By lunchtime, contractions went from mild to moderately painful. I told myself it was nothing and continued watching Dwight's office shenanigans. I did take a few hot baths throughout the day, and the contractions remained constant (which told me that this was real. If it's not real labor, contractions will slow down in the bath). All day.... 4 minutes apart.... one minute in length. My birth class told us that you should go to the hospital when you are 4 minutes a part, one minute in length, for an hour. I still wasn't buying it that this was real. But, to be on the safe side, we decided to take Danny to his friend's house at 4:30. The pain had increased to "intense" and at this level, I had to give myself pep talks to get through the pain. Josh took Danny to Louis' house while I hopped into my 4th bath of the day. The hot water did offer relief but the pain was still incredible.
Josh was only walking a few blocks, but while he was away the drama began. In the midst of a notably more painful contraction, I felt and heard a "pop." And sure enough, my water had broken. Instead of being excited, I was terrified. The water was brown, which meant that there was meconium (poo) present and the baby's lungs need to be suctioned to get it out. Like lightning, the pain intensified 1000x and I felt like I was going to push out the baby in the bathtub. I sent Josh a panicked voice note to get home as soon as possible.
In an equally panicked voice, he messaged back that he was rushing home. While I waited, I began packing my bag for the hospital but the contractions were now only two minutes apart and the pressure in my pelvis was so strong and painful. It was like nothing I'd ever felt before.
When Josh arrived, he quickly called a cab, grabbed my huge Ikea bag, and helped me waddle out to the street at 5:30. It's an odd sensation, being in active, painful labor in such a populated city. I was a spectacle. The security guards and pedestrians couldn't help staring at me as they watched me immobilize in excruciating pain every two minutes. A cherry on top of this awesomely pleasant cake. Once in the taxi, the driver focused on the road and acted like he didn't know what was going on in the backseat. For that, I'm thankful. If he would have made jokes about my distress, I would have clocked him. So yeah, I was in the "transition" stage of labor while in a cab during rush hour traffic. The entire ride, I did my best to keep quiet and just ride the waves of the contractions, but I wanted to push him out so bad. Halfway there, I shouted to Josh, "Josh, he's coming! I HAVE TO PUSH!" I prayed over and over again, "God, please keep this baby in until we get to the hospital! Please let us make it!'
The normally 15 minute cab right only took 5 more minutes because (hallelujah!) the traffic was steadily moving. We got out of the cab, and again there were plenty of spectators watching the freak show. Walking into the hospital that should take 30 seconds (again) seemed like forever, I was waddling so slow and awkwardly, I thought the baby's head was already out. Once I was in the lobby, I let loose. I yelled and screamed. While shouting "get it out!' and withering in pain, a handful of nurses managed to walk me to an examination room and a doctor immediately checked my cervix for dilation. Josh thought she said that I was only 2cm. I couldn't believe it. I yelled to him, "Tell them I want a c-section! This can't be. I can't do this at 2, he needs to come out right now!!!" Before I knew it, I was wheeled to a delivery room, and they all shouted, "PUSH!" I looked at Josh in confusion. He misunderstood, I was actually dilated to 8 cm and was ready to push. But the pain was worse that I ever remembered with Danny's birth. I begged for drugs. "Josh, I need medicine. Tell them to get me medicine. I need an epidural, or something!" He assured me that they would get me medicine. An older gentleman appeared and said, "Hello, I'm here to give you medicine." Then he grabbed my left hand and joined the others in shouting "Push!"
I kept waiting for them to say they saw the head, instead, I was told that the head was out. So WHY did it still hurt? What was going on down there? The head is out, the rest of the body should slide right out. What was happening!?!?
As it turns out, the baby's broad shoulders were stuck (called shoulder dystocia). So, with the help of my own feet pushing my butt off the table, 5 or so people helped lift and twist my pelvis, while others pulled and maneuvered the baby out. It took 4 more big pushes and he was out. He was silent. The cord was around his neck and also knotted very tightly. First they sucked the meconium out of his lungs, then they held him upside down by his ankles and smacked him on his back. I breathed a sigh of relief when I heard his first little cry. Unlike Danny's birth, they took Xiao Didi away to clean and examine. So I did not get skin to skin contact with him right away like I had requested. But to be fair, in the 10 minutes I pushed him out, no one had time to read over my bilingual birth plan.
So as they're (purposely?) keeping my baby from me as I'm reaching out for him, I've got a crew of nurses pushing hard on my stomach to get the placenta and after birth mess out of me. Then someone had a genius idea and said that I needed to eat something before they moved me to my own room. Um, no. I'm not eating in here with a pool of blood under me. No thanks. They wouldn't let Josh in right away because he wasn't suited up, but they wanted me to EAT in there?
China: Always good for a laugh.
Josh checked me into the hospital after the fact, and then I was wheeled to my own hospital room. And it was there that I allowed my lovely husband to make me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, which I happily ate. As I sat on my hospital bed, I kept looking back and forth from the baby to the clock. Did I really just have this kid in ONE day? Did I really have a baby with no pain medication whatsoever? And the one that I still cannot believe: Did I really give natural birth to an ELEVEN AND A HALF pound baby?!?!
After thinking about how everything went down, I realize that it was quite miraculous that we made it to the hospital in time. If I had tried pushing the baby out at home alone or in the taxi, I would not have been able to get his shoulders out quick enough. It took a lot of help to get him out. His oxygen got cut off briefly, but he was okay. I don't like to think about what would be if it was for much longer. His poor head was very bruised and swollen from all the manhandling and lack of oxygen. And also, because he was so large I had a postpartum hemorrhage and I lost almost one liter of blood. I'm thankful that I had the doctors and medical supplies necessary to make sure both the baby and I were okay.
The doctor on duty was very good. I questioned every thing she wanted to do, and we had to seriously negotiate the slow motion gut punches to get all the blood out. She was accommodating and I tried to be cooperative too. When she and the nurses began to "massage" my stomach they were more gentle than they had been previously. I was put on pitocin afterward to help my uterus contract since it was so large from housing a giant baby.
I was also giving thanks that I began labor naturally and did not have to feel Dr. Jiang's pressure to induce or have a cesarean.
Friday, October 23rd
Around 8 am, Dr. Jiang's shift started. She came into my room shaking her head in disapproval, "Brittany, Brittany. I told you the baby was too big!" Bluffing, I replied, "He wasn't too big, he came out, didn't he? It's fine."
Ok, I admit it. The baby was big.
We had been in the hospital for only 14 hours and were ready to get home. I agreed for another dose of pitocin before leaving, and also that I'd take an iron supplement for 2 weeks. After signing a few papers, we left with our no-name giant baby.
Our big purple blob went a whole day without a name. We actually had been discussing names since we found out we were having a boy, but nothing seemed right. Even looking at his puffy cheeks and purple forehead, no name was suitable. After we settled in at home that night, he finally opened his eyes wide for the first time. I looked and him and thought, he looks like a Benjamin. BIG BEN.
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| Danny loves his xiao didi |
Everyone is healthy and doing well, transitioning to a family of four. My heart is so full!
