Thanks, kid.

I don't think blabbing about everything I'm thankful for will prove my gratitude. Ask anyone on the street what they're thankful for, copy and paste here. Done. You all know what I'm thankful for.

However, I've been doing a lot a lot a lot of soul searching lately. Also, I've been doing a lot a lot a lot of complaining about China. I'm surprised my eyes can still focus for as much as I roll them. Let's be honest guys. I HATE IT HERE. I hate it. I hate living here.

whew. I'm glad that's off of my chest.

They say having kids changes you. My mom has said it to me my whole life, "You wait and see, things change when you have kids. Everything is different. You'll see." (You were right, Mom.) She also said having kids was the best. How could it not be? Look how awesome I am. ;)

From the moment after my son was born, I discovered how clueless I was about life. Maybe it's a similar feeling when Adam and Eve realized they were naked all along. But really, we brought Danny home, and I was like: Holy crap! I'm in charge of this human being! So first there's panic, then exhaustion, then more panic, then more exhaustion. So the silver lining of this cycle is that the exhaustion is so overwhelming that I'm too tired to get so wound up anymore. Back in the day, living in Korea, I remember wallowing in homesickness. I thought life was so hard. I miss my family, I miss my dog, Life in Korea is hard. Yeah. Maybe in North Korea. Teaching in South Korea for ONE year was a piece of cake. It was fun, I made friends, I had life experiences. But I still managed to complain and brood in the shallowest of crap. Seriously? I'm embarrassed to even admit it to you now.

I would love to give credit to being older and wiser since 4 years ago. But, I'm straight up going to give credit to exhaustion.

Comparing situations, my life in Shanghai may be (a tad bit) harder than living in Cheongju because we are in a different position now, i.e. we have a kid. As much as I hate living in Shanghai, I'm too tired to be depressed and dwell on it. I think the old me would be really mopey. But ain't nobody got time for that with a kid. He's in to everything. All the time. What a huge misconception I had about stay-at-home moms. I was thinking, yeah, I know it's hard work. But it can't be that hard. Ha ha ha. Wrong again. Dearest moms, aunts, and grandmas: I took your advice. I freaking sleep when that baby sleeps. It's like my life depends on it.

But he sure is cute, right? And sweet. And I love him. Oh my gosh, do I love him!

Blah blah blah. I'm thankful for all the things. But here's a twist:

I'm really thankful that this little ball of sunshine came into my world because of his insane ability to fully exhaust me and rejuvenate me at the same time. It makes living here manageable. He's given me perseverance.  I have a new perception about the speed of time and splendor of life because of him. Nearly a whole year has gone by in his life and I'm in denial. Though this Shanghai chapter seems never ending, I know it will finish. One day, I'll wake up in disbelief that it's over. Danny's there to remind me as he grows up, that everything is temporary and passes in a flash. Thanks for your superpowers, kid.

Note to self: Be Positive

I'm such a lame blogger recently. One reason is that I have very little alone time. Babies are hard. Who knew?!

And the second reason I haven't blogged much: when I do sit down to write I think, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. This is seriously why I haven't been updating the blog. I'm afraid it will turn into a China-hating vent-fest. I'll spare you. No one needs that. For now, just know this: Year three in Shanghai has been hard. I know it's no secret.

It's taking everything I have to stay positive. I'm telling you, I love writing. I love blogging. I wish I had enough "positive" material to write about multiple times a week, but I'm a bit discouraged.

I guess until then, maybe I'll just post some throwbacks to a happier time in Korea. :/

Jet-lagged Baby

We've arrived in Germany!

Now we're in Berlin. Josh is taking a week long brewing course, while Danny and I explore the city with my parents. I'm so so so excited. Of course there's the obvious. I'm excited to see a new country and I'm excited to see my family. But I am SO STINKING HAPPY to be out of China. Like, can I say it a hundred more times? I'm loving the fresh air and personal space here. It's totally awesome and under-appreciated.

I was nervous about how the flight would go. We were so fortunate to have zero hiccups along the way. The worst of it was Danny crying for maybe 10 minutes out of the 11+ hour flight. No poop explosions, no lost baggage, no missed connecting flights. We showed up to the apartment we had rented, and within a few minutes, there my parents were coming down the street to greet us.

Yesterday was our first full day here. It's great to not have any structured plans, because anyone with kids knows that the baby calls the shots. He was pleasant. Woke up around 4:30 am, took a nap at 7, was happy and playful all day until 3:30pm. I decided it was a good time for a nap, but in his Shanghai mind, it was bedtime. You can imagine my mistake trying to wake him back up at 5. Lesson. Learned. He cried, he whined, he rubbed his eyes, he wailed. I had created a monster!

All the while, we had adults trying to come up with the solution to pacify him. Maybe he should listen to soft music, maybe he should be nursed, maybe he should go for a walk, maybe he would like a toy.

Josh and I wanted to stick to our plan of trying to keep him up a bit longer so he could start to switch time zones. But, we weren't too pumped to listen to a crying baby for who knows how long. I was dealing with a stomachache as well, which made everything seem worse.

In the end, I caved. Let him nurse for as long as he wants, and if he falls asleep, let him sleep until he wakes up again. And he was up again at 4 am, already napping by 7. Who knows what the day holds. So many people are intimidated by traveling with a baby. It's not a big deal. It's hard and it's exhausting. Things will go wrong. But it's okay.

A jet-lagged baby is okay. Whoever said you get to sleep when you have a baby anyway? You might as be somewhere cool while you miss out on sleep.