Bee Girl

This week, my "Discover Weekly" Spotify playlist included "No Rain" by Blind Melon. I kind of giggled to myself as I remembered the video of that cute little girl in the bee costume, bopping around, trying to figure out what to do and where to go. First she is on stage,  tap dancing with great confidence, only to get laughed to tears off stage. Then she goes wandering, dancing, and encountering people who just don't get her.

*Spoiler alert* In the end, she discovers a garden filled with other bees. Her people.

Finding your bees can be so hard. Especially when your previous life experiences are vastly different that everyone you seem to encounter. Middle school was hard for me. I wanted so much to fit in, and didn't... and it took a long time to find my bees. We have been out of Shanghai for over six months now, and I still feel so unrelatable. I think part of it is the transition from East to West, but an even bigger part is the switch from city to country. I'm hoping former city dwellers can attest to that.

China has made me crave spicy food always and take my shoes off indoors, among other things. City life has made me expect diversity and culture around every corner, oh, and taxis. Why aren't there taxis driving around these country roads looking for passengers!?

My Shanghai bees

This week I went to a MOPS (moms of preschoolers) group for the first time. On Sunday, I began to meet fellow churchgoers in a small group. I've also become acquainted with some moms in the area via Meetup.com.

Maybe I haven't exactly stumbled upon a group of people dancing around in bee costumes that I can identify with at first glance. But, I've met so many moms. And we can be as different as night and day (some of us are). But you know what we have in common? Birth stories, sleepless nights, teething, potty training, and whatever is next in this wacky freak show. Motherhood will always provide instant camaraderie if you allow it. I found my new group of bees just by having kids. That was easy enough!

Provisions

Tomorrow, the rascals and I will be flying up to STL to visit my parents. As I'm making mental packing and to-do lists, I realize I have picked up a pretty interesting personality trait from living in Shanghai.
I've kind of become a doomsday prepper/ hoarder. It's not extreme enough to do a reality show about me. It's pretty subtle, but I am. When I first stepped foot in the Winn Dixie after our move to Florida, I wanted to buy 10 of everything. Danny's birthday is in 6 months, I better get a cake mix and icing. Oh no, we lost one of Benji's pacifiers that we got in America I better get 5 more just in case....Oh, wait...

From my time in Korea and research from various online sources, I knew what China would and would not have available. Some items that are not readily available: tampons and stick deodorant. There are other things, that I can't quite recall. And there are some things that probably are there, but I have no idea where to even look. To save myself the frustration of trying to find specific items, I packed them on our initial journey over. And to this day, this is the list of stuff I would recommend anyone (mostly the ladies) to take to Asia.

• stick deodorant
• tampons
• over the counter meds (not that China doesn't have their own, but the last thing you want to do when you have a cold is try to figure out where to go and what to say to get some equivalent of Dayquil)
• make-up (most women know what they like and what's the point on going on a wild goose chase if you can shove an extra mascara in your bag. And also, American brands are EXPENSIVE in Asia, more on that later...)
• favorite spices, hot sauces, small cooking ingredients that will last (just having Tony Chachere's Creole seasoning made a world of difference on my breakfast eggs)  
• an unlocked smartphone (I didn't bring this, and had a heck of a time with a jailbroken iPhone)

The above list was pretty much all I brought besides clothes, laptop, etc. Now, we were in China for 3 and a half years. At first, we primarily ate Chinese food: lots of rice, veggies, pork, and dumplings. As the years went on, I began to really miss American food. I came home to visit each summer and we also had several visitors. When you are allowed 2 checked bags each, you make the very most of it.

I became an expert at packing.

Our way back to Shanghai last summer. I think only one suitcase has our clothes!

Anyone who has actually lived in China (especially Shanghai) knows that you can get anything you want on Taobao, the online marketplace. In the past we've bought all kinds of stuff from pancake syrup to fake ugg boots. I have a friend who actually bought a plecostomus fish for her aquarium! For imported food and goods though, you're going to pay a lot online or in a store (2-5 times what it costs in the States). Near our home in Xujiahui was an import grocery store called City Shop (locations all over the city). It was there you could get most Western comfort foods. They have a deli, bakery, and all the American, European, Asian pantry items you could want. It was the most cost effective to hand carry these items from the States. My first trip back, I was pregnant so I had one bag loaded up with baby stuff. Then I just filled the rest with food: brownie mix, spices, cereal, coffee, baking ingredients, granola bars, Velveeta cheese, you know, stuff that I could ration until my next trip.

This stocking up mentality is just starting to go away. Yeah, I don't need 12 boxes of cereal. Put 11 of them back, Brittany!

I'm also having to adjust my thinking about our little trip up north. They have Costco and Target in Florida, Brittany. You don't need 200 granola bars. Chill out. All I need to do is enjoy regional delicacies like Imo's Pizza and keemao noodles from the Thai House. Oh, and savor all the time with my dearest family and friends, duh.

Another pretty exciting thing about tomorrow's trip: I don't have to do my standard emergency readiness prep for a 14 hour flight across the world and 12 time zones with two babies. Instead, I've got a 3ish hour direct flight with only a one hour time change. I really can't imagine anything easier.

It's so good to be in America.  Seriously, there's no place like home.

You lived in China?

Being new to the area, there's a lot of introductions in my life these days.

Hi, I'm Brit.

Where are you from?
I'm from St. Louis originally, but we've just moved from Shanghai, China.

Wow! You lived in China? What was that like? Did you like it?
If my husband Josh is with me, we usually look at each other, smile, and simultaneously start with a drawn out "Welllllllllll......"

So, while it's still fresh on my mind, let me answer your most challenging questions about my life in China. And remember, this is information from my personal experience. I'm sure all my friends in China would have completely different answers from their Shanghai experience.

Can you speak Chinese?
Josh can. He says he's "functional" I say he's fluent. He worked with almost an all Chinese staff. He can even read and write the characters! I on the other hand, cannot. I could do basic things, like give the taxi driver directions. And I could understand way more than I could say. Especially when people are constantly critiquing my parenting by telling me my kid is not properly dressed for the weather.

Are there really so many people that it's crowded everywhere you go?
OH YES! Shanghai is one of the most populated cities in the world, and you can feel it. Seriously. I would go out in the afternoon, and think, no one will be out because people are at work. How are there this many people not working in the afternoon, really? It's insane! The one exception is the massive migration for Chinese New Year, in which everyone in China goes to their hometown to be with family for the holiday. It's quite nice. Shanghai feels like a ghost town, similar to, say, Indianapolis.

Are you in the military?
Nope. And actually, there are no US military bases in China. China is very strict on who they let into their country. There are so many hoops to jump through to get even a tourist visa.

Were you missionaries?
Nope. And even if we were, we couldn't tell you. It's not permitted to evangelize. Religious organizations must be registered with the government and are closely monitored. I attended an international church in Shanghai, which native Chinese were not allowed to attend. You had to show your passport at the door to prove you were a foreigner.

How long were you there?
We were there for three and a half years. August 2012 to February 2016.

Going to and returning from Shanghai  2012/2016

What brought you to Shanghai?
We originally went over as English teachers the first year. But then my husband got a job as a brewer at Shanghai Brewery, so we stayed a couple more years.

How did he get into that?
Our boss at the school was extremely difficult to work with so we started brainstorming career changes. When we were at one of our favorite hangout spots, Josh got connected to the owner, and the rest in history.

What's the beer scene like in China?
(Josh would be better to answer this but I'll do my best.) You can find big western names like Budweiser and Guinness. Most of mainstream Chinese beer are lagers. Popular brands include Tsingtao and Harbin. Microbreweries are relatively new in China. When we first arrived in China, Shanghai Brewery was only one of a couple breweries in the city.  As we left in February, there are now more than 20 microbreweries in the Shanghai. The demand for craft beer is high partially because there's such a large expatriate population. The locals are even getting into craft beer. Little shops are popping up all over Shanghai that exclusively sell imported craft beer.  New microbreweries are also appearing all over the country. Anheuser Busch has been working on producing Goose Island in China.

Did you continue teaching when Josh changed jobs?
I completed my first year, then got pregnant with Danny (he's 2 now). I did a little tutoring and worked at a learning center on the weekends.

Did you have your son in China?
I had both of my boys in China.

What were the hospitals like?
There's a wide variety of hospitals in China. You can pay just a few bucks to see a doctor at a local hospital, or you can pay $100+ at an international hospital.  Both of my sons' births were crazy. You can read about their birth stories here and here. After it's all said and done, I'm so happy to have had my boys in China.  We were able to have a lot of control by being difficult foreigners. We questioned everything, and we stood our ground on what we did and did not want to do. This was important because I felt some of the procedures were very questionable. But the best part is that it was SO cheap to have a baby in a local hospital. You can pay as much if not more than you would in America to have a baby in the international hospitals. We did not have that kind of money or insurance. We did have enough cash to shell out for a VIP private room in a local hospital. There's nothing VIP about it though, besides the lack of a roommate. The room was worn out, my hospital pajamas had holes in them, and it was obvious that nothing has been updated in that room for the last 10-15 years. The second time around, we opted out of the hospital food. The last thing I wanted after giving birth was congee and a hard boiled egg. 

VIPs chillin' after birth (hospital pants are way too short)

Do your kids have dual citizenship?
They do not. The only way a baby can get Chinese citizenship is if one of the parents is Chinese. And if that's the case, they must give up citizenship of the other parent's country. My boys are full on Americans, made in China. They have Chinese birth certificates which we took to the US consulate to get "Birth Abroad" Certificates, passports, and social security numbers.

Passport photos! Danny/Benji, both at 2 weeks old

What was it like raising young kids there?
My experience raising kids in China is short lived (just over 2 years) but anyone would assume it's so much different than in the US. There are a lot of cool things and a lot of really crappy/annoying things. One good thing is that help is cheap! Many families hire an ayi, which is like a household helper/nanny.  For a short time, we hired a lady named Lola who came a few hours each week. She would watch Danny while I went out to run errands, and she cleaned my house for me! And, it was so nice to be able to have a babysitter whenever Josh and I wanted to go out on a date. Danny loved her. Another thing I loved about living there was that my kids were exposed to so many different cultures. At two years old, Danny has friends from all over the world. And he's tried (and likes) such a wide variety of food at such a young age. He loves kimchi!

Danny the Kimchi Monster

For me personally, I found that there were more cons to raising kids in Shanghai. As neat, exciting, and unconventional it was, there were a lot of negatives. For one, I didn't like how terribly far we were from family. Not that we are that close now, but at least we're on the same continent. And there are a few other concerns that I often had to put out of my mind to save my sanity. The continual smog is my biggest annoyance. China is notorious for having the worst air in the world, and I can tell you it really is terrible. It's not all the time, but occasionally, the air is so polluted that you can feel it on your skin, and in your eyes and throat. We were there in November 2013 when it reached a record high, off the AQI chart. I hated thinking that my kids could become asthmatic just from living in the city.

 One perk to city life is access to public transportation. This is phenomenal if you don't have two babies with you. The subways and buses are not stroller friendly. And, you can't just haul car seats around with you after riding in a taxi. We did not have the luxury as some expats to have a personal driver. When I only had one kid, I frequented the subway and buses with the baby carrier and it was simple enough. Once I became really pregnant the second time, I had to have a stroller for Danny. Every little outing became such a hassle. So my options were A. Carry the stroller up and down 80+ steps to use the subway. B. Awkwardly lift a stroller with kid onto a bus with my big pregnant belly. Or C. Take a taxi which is super unpredictable especially at a busy time of day. And once I'm in a cab, I had to try to keep my toddler from climbing all over the backseat. I usually opted for the bus. (Read my scary bus story: here). I can imagine that raising older kids in Shanghai would be so much more enjoyable and rewarding. They'd remember these great experiences and they could walk! And I imagine my physical exhaustion would be less. I should have made the most of having groceries delivered, but I found myself walking my big pregnant self to the grocery store 20 min away with the double stroller. It was a great system and a good practical workout; except for the times it rained. I'm so thankful to be back in the US. In America, the the hardest part of grocery shopping is getting the kids in and out of the car! Easy peasy!

Caught in the rain on the way home from Carrefour

One thing that kind of sucked with little kids in the city is the lack of children's activities. There are "Mommy and Me" classes and indoor play areas which are all way too expensive. I couldn't make a habit of paying 150RMB (over $22) for my kid to play inside a mall for an hour. When the weather was nice, we could walk to Xujiahuai park which has a playground, but it was always so crowded. And we got way too much attention (I'll get back to that.) It was nice to have so many other expat moms and kids live nearby. We made the most of play dates. Last summer, we discovered a pool in the neighborhood. And it seemed that no one even knew of it's existence! It was expensive, but we splurged on a month long pass shared with friends.

Cooling off in the hot city summer

A really weird thing about being an expat in China, was all the attention Danny would get. And it got even worse when Benji was born. When I was out on the street with them, I always kept a brisk pace. If I slowed down, I would be swarmed by people just wanting to see these unique blue eyes and blond hair. I can understand their curiosity, but I did not appreciate them rudely taking pictures or touching my kids without asking. I'm telling you, it happened everywhere we went.

You won't believe how many pictures I have like this actually.

I decided to use this special attention to Danny's advantage. He had a short lived modeling career while we were in China. This was great because because he loved it and it was something fun and random to do. Also, we were able to start a savings account for him.

Is that ironic that D modeled car seats but never actually used one?

What is the food like?
Most everyone knows that American Chinese food is nothing like true Chinese food. I mean, it is similar. And there definitely were dishes that reminded me of food from home. It's not even a fair assessment to tell you what Chinese food is like when every part of China has such different food. From the little I've had, I've noticed a lot of grease. So much oil is used almost always. Probably our favorite of the Chinese fare is food from Xinjiang (western China), which in Shanghai is normally advertised as "Muslim Restaurant" This food is superior, and very very similar to middle-eastern food: lamb, hummus, beef, peppers, garlic. I have never had green beans like the ones at the Muslim restaurant in our neighborhood. I'll take a barrel, please! Dumplings are one of the most popular foods from China, and one of the things most people miss most when they leave. But not me.... I tried and tried to like all of them, from the little boiled ones (xiao long bao), the soup filled ones (sheng jian bao), or the puffy steamed buns (baozi). Nope. Can't stand them. I'm super grossed out by the ground up whatever that's inside. Some other things I stayed away from were the chicken feet and straight up pig fat. Although, I must say, I have become a chopstick master. You should see me peel a shrimp.

Best green beans ever.

My favorite Chinese food (besides the green beans) are all the veggie side dishes. Most Dongbei (north east) restaurants serve family style, meaning that, if you order green beans, it's big enough for everyone to have some. There are so many tasty dishes: eggplants, peppers, green beans, and/or potatoes, usually covered in a salty but delicious gravy. And a weird one I've come to love is tomatoes mixed with scrambled eggs. There is also a soup version of this. We've also really enjoyed these Xi'an style wraps in which a dude carves off some roasted meat off the kebab wheel and mixes it with greens and hot pepper sauce into flat bread.

Another great thing about Shanghai that I really miss is the food delivery! Ordering McDonald's online was just way too convenient. It literally would arrive 15 minutes after I ordered it. There isn't only fast food delivery either. So many local and foreign restaurants will deliver. Taco Mama's is the best Mexican food in town. And they even deliver margaritas! How I miss that!

Can you find American groceries there?
Absolutely. But most of them are so expensive. What I've seen is that imported foods cost between 2-5 times what it costs in the States. Some of my little splurges included:

cheese ($5 for 200 grams which is less than half a pound)
brownie mix ($6)
cereal (between $5-15 per box)
microwave popcorn ($5 for 3 bags)
chocolate chips ($8 a bag)
butter ($5 for 250 grams, or roughly two sticks)
Hunt's pasta sauce ($4)

Vegetables, fruit, and meat were always affordable (with the exception of beef). Milk and bread are available everywhere for 4x what you would pay in America. We ate out a lot because it was less of a hassle, and sometimes a lot cheaper than cooking at home.

Some of my very favorite Christmas presents!

Why did you leave?
 After Benji was born, we were starting realize how difficult it was with two little ones in the city. As I said earlier, I think living there with older kids would be way easier. I was worried about their little lungs, and all the pollution they were exposed to. And I hated the dangerous traffic. I got accustomed to the crazy flow of traffic, but a toddler can run in the wrong direction in an instant....you know. Also, I hated that they were so far away from their grandparents. There is so much growth and development in the first few years of life. I don't want our family to miss out on all that. Besides that, I think China kind of hardened us. It was time for a change of scenery and breath of fresh air.

What was it like?

I think I elaborated with previous questions, to give you a good idea of what it was like. In a word, I'd say it was surreal. Sometimes it seemed so normal and other times, it had to have been a dream.

 Did you like it?    {The million dollar question}

Never in all my years, did I even want to visit China. And off we went living, working, and having babies in China. Some days I feel like it's where we belong. Our fellow expat friends are in the same boat. It's easy to have camaraderie and completely fit in with other misfits. They just get it. I learned a lot about the world, life, faith, relationships, and myself in China. Already, the details are starting to become fuzzy. The negative memories are fading, while these uniquely beautiful memories shine even brighter than when they were first taking place.

So, yes. I liked it!

Visiting Yu Garden, December 2012

Hi, my name's Brittany, and I'm a quitter.

For most of grade school, I attended a small Lutheran school, sharing a classroom with two other grades, with only five other students in my grade. Our little school's sport was VOLLEYBALL. Apparently, there were lots of other Lutheran schools with volleyball teams because we played a lot of games. If I recall correctly, my last year there (20 years ago!) our team was near undefeated and we made it to the Lutheran Sports Association of Illinois Volleyball Championship Tournament (this is also a thing, apparently). Our team was made up of 3rd-6th graders and most of our opponents were 7th and 8th graders. Of course, we didn't get far in the tournament, but we were proud to make it as far as we did. We were small but mighty. We had great coaches, and our team worked so well together. The team was made up of all the girls in my class, who were all good friends.

TBT: yellow socks. circa 1995

One of my best childhood friends, Angie and I were feeling pretty big when we showed up to the first volleyball tryout at the public middle school. None of the other girls had really played. So, we both had pretty cozy spots as starters on the A team.

I moved away and attended a new private school in 8th grade. It was the same situation, I was the shining star of an inexperienced gang of misfits. I was proudly named MVP of my 8th grade volleyball team. Haha.

For high school, I switched schools again, and it was there that all my pride and confidence in my athletic abilities crumbled. I was not the best anymore. I clashed with a lot of the players. And when my mom was checking on enrollment with the school and the team, she told the coach that I was last year's MVP. This piece of information gave the coach this impression that she'd be getting Gabrielle Reece on her freshman team. She was sorely disappointed when she realized that I could barely set a ball, and had trouble controlling my overhand serve. It was a hard season. There were a couple of girls that had natural talent and were each about 7 feet all. That was not me. I was so used to getting praise for my ability and achievements. But instead I received constant criticism. I know my memory is blurry on a lot of it, but the negative feeling is still there. What I remember most is that I just wanted to be done. And when the season was over, I was DONE.

I quit volleyball. It's a shame how big and terrible things seem when you're young. But, I guess that's all you know at the time, you can't see the future and know that things, circumstances, and you yourself will get better. I wish I would have stuck with volleyball. Maybe one more year would have made a difference. Maybe my relationships with teammates and coaches would have improved. Maybe I would have continued playing through college? Oh we'll never know, will we.

Things are getting a little tricky for me at the moment.

A few weeks ago, I was so gung-ho about blogging, networking, improving my writing and photography skills. But things have been nuts. My laptop has been acting up. Josh has been working long hours. We've had several visitors.  All on top of the world's fussiest baby who has no desire to sleep through the night, preventing me from ever sleeping through the night.

Quitting sure sounds super appealing. When things get hard, I always want to throw in the towel.

I am a quitter. The only thing that's good for is if I were a smoker.


The more I've been reading about successful blogging, it's all about getting lots of content out all the time. As in, I should be posting a blog every day. I should be posting on social media several times a day. I should be keeping up on other bloggers, liking, commenting, building relationships....

But, the perfectionist in me is not going to post a blog everyday if it is going to be a fluffy no-brainer piece of nonsense. No one wants to read that crap. I wouldn't. I have a lot of good ideas saved as drafts. But having the time, energy, and a clear mind to actually hash out the posts is another thing. Ugh.

And honestly, I have no idea how these mom bloggers can blog that much. Who is watching your kids? Seriously? Because when my kids are up, I'm with them. And when they're napping, I'm trying to get stuff done. You know, like laundry. The only reason that I have the brain capacity to write at this very moment is because Hubs finally has a day off and Grandpa's in town, which allowed for me to get a mid morning nap. #winning

The point of this post is to tell y'all that I'm not quitting. I'm just going very very slowly. And the baby just woke up. Later!

Expat Regrets

We've been back stateside for almost two months now. I still find myself struggling with reverse culture shock, but I'll save that for another post. Today, I'm reflecting on all of those "I should have..." moments in Shanghai. It's kind of embarrassing that there are so many. But, my goal is to be completely honest with you. And if I'm not inspiring, at least you can learn from my mistakes. Below find my Shanghai list of regrets.

Regrets

• Not doing more in the city before kids- The city is so vibrant and busy. We should have done more! Instead, we lived very modestly to pay off student loans and frankly, we were a bit lazy. Our first year in Shanghai, we lived by the South Railway Station. It was really far from all the cool stuff. All our coworker friends were always doing cool stuff from KTV (karaoke rooms) to music festivals. By the time we moved to the city center the following year, I was pregnant with Danny. We spent so many weekends just hanging out at home when we could have been seeing sights, going to events, taking day trips to neighboring cities......
• Not seeing more of China*- If we would have just gotten off of our lazy butts, we could have seen so much and cheaply at that! There is so much we didn't see or do. Some of the specific things I wish I would have seen: the Harbin Ice Festival, the pandas in Chengdu, and the beaches of Sanya. 
• Not traveling more outside of China*- Who doesn't want to travel more, right? I'm bummed that we never took the Trans-Siberian Railway to Russia, or flew down to Australia and New Zealand, or pretty much to any surrounding areas.
• Not learning Chinese- I got by. I could talk to the taxi drivers, I could talk to the checkout lady at the grocery store. I could kind of talk to the lady on the bus who asked how old my baby was. I wish I could have done more. Just understanding and being understood could have made my time in China go more smoothly. So many stupid China moments wouldn't have been as bad if I could have just been understood.
• Not starting sooner to get involved- The expat community is fantastic. I could have and should have started socializing early on with other families. There are so many people that I've met and wanted to get to know better, but of course things come up like a kid gets sick or the air is too smoggy. There were so many "Oh we have got to get together!" but never did. :(
• Waiting to find my groove- I had a bad attitude at the beginning. Our first year in Shanghai, my mentality was to just get through it. But then the second year was open-ended. Would this be the last? Will we stay one more year? Will we stay five more years? I basically scrunched up into a fetal position way longer than I should have, and it resulted in a lack of confidence in myself as a mom and a person. That was lame. By the time we left, I had a tad bit of confidence, structure, and productivity. But it took way too long to get there.
• Not embracing the culture more- This mostly pertains to food for me since it is one of my biggest passions. Between being homesick, craving American comfort food, and being disgusted with all things "China" I missed out on a lot. America is huge. Every region has their own unique flavor and foods. So does China. But I was just over what I had tried, that I was unwilling to branch out to see what else was out there. Shame on you, Brittany. SHAME on you. 
• Not getting a bicycle or scooter*- This would have made any outing so snappy, and I wouldn't have the drama of bus or subway commutes. And learning the ropes before two babies strapped to me would have also been a plus.
  

That's a pretty long, sad list of regrets.... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Because I want to even things out (a little) and try to make myself feel better, here are the things that I'm actually proud of from my time in Shanghai:

Contentment (!)

• Living in Shanghai for more than a year- seriously, the best thing we could have done is move there. Neither of us had a real direction in life before we left. It was in China that we found our new roles as parents, as well as new career paths. The best gift of all was a broadened worldview.  I'm so glad that without any reservations, we went for it.
• Moving to a new place our second year and staying there for year 3+- We moved closer to the middle of the city (Xujiahui) after our first year. Josh intended to move closer to his job, but then his job moved on him outside the city. I loved our second place. Josh found a perfect spot for us which was so close to everything. Our apartment was recently renovated and perfect for our soon-to-be family. And, bonus, our landlady was the friggin bomb. We spent the money for something nice, and I don't regret it for a second. We said goodbye to ice cold drafts, the dusty broken wood floor, cockroaches, and rats. WORTH IT.
• The traveling we did do both with and without kids- Before kids we managed to go to Indonesia, Laos, and repeat trips to Thailand and Malaysia. With Bubs #1 we went to Germany and the Philippines. And two trips back home on top of that. There's a lot we didn't do, but with our budget and limited vacation time, we did pretty good. *pats self on the back* 
• Having my kids in China- It really was brave of Josh and I. When we shared the news that we were expecting to our families, everyone was freaking out. "You need to come back to the States to have a baby, where the hospitals and doctors are better!" they all said. Well, we figured it out. It wasn't easy by any means. But, like every eccentric "life in China" thing, it was normal to us. From finding a hospital, to communicating with doctors, to actual childbirth: we did it. And because our situation wasn't conventional, we did a lot of research regarding childbirth and medical procedures. And I'm so happy to report that I have two healthy blue eyed Shanghai babies born in 2013 and 2015.
• Reaching out to meet other moms- It was pretty easy to make friends our first year in China because we hit it off quickly with our fellow teachers. But, it's really alienating being the only person in your friend group with a kid. No more late nights out for me. I appreciate so much all my kidless friends, especially when they made the effort to work around our kids' schedule. But still, you don't have much social interaction as a stay-at-home mom. That is unless you make the effort. It's so out of character for me to be outgoing. I'm usually a wallflower and it takes awhile for me to make friends. But, I did reach out (!!) via the Shanghai Mamas website. I sought out others in my neighborhood, and quickly I was part of several lively weChat groups of other expat moms in the city. I had found a big, loving family away from home. We enjoyed so many fun get togethers and play dates. I'm so thankful for all my Shanghai friendships: old and new, with or without kids. You guys rock!
• Joining the "Mom to Mom" group- Through all this networking, I got involved in an awesome ministry for mothers at an international church. The commute there was sometimes really difficult, but it was always worth it. I could go on and on about the women I met in this group. They have become some of my closest and dearest friends. But above all, my faith has been rejuvenated. That is the greatest gift my Shanghai experience has given me.

And finally,

• Spending too much money on imported food- A $16 box of Golden Grahams is worth it. It just is. I'm not going to explain this further.

So here I am in a tiny town outside of Ft. Myers, starting over. I don't want to regret anything in this chapter. I want to make the most of every aspect of my life here. I want to find my groove, I want to build fantastic relationships, and I want to carpe diem all the diems. When we move on to the next place, I don't want a list of regrets.

The End.

----------------------
*before kids. Because everything is SOOOOOOOOO much easier when you don't have two little needy mini-me's with you.