Don't worry, baby....

...is my mantra.

I really really try to be optimistic in this blog. Sorry I've been failing so much lately.

Evil Green Brit

Last year, we had a miscarriage, one of the worst experiences of my life. Honestly, from that point, up until a few months ago: this has not been an easy year. Besides living in a place (in my opinion) that is just not as good as Korea (or 'Merica!) , it's like everyone around me starts having babies and posting all over the internet about it. Let me tell you, I turned such a deep shade of envy green - I kind of imagine myself as the Incredibly Envious Hulk. Not mentioning any names, but come on people! We do not need to see every ultrasound picture and read status updates of every tiny pregnancy symptom you are going through. We get it, you're having a baby. Let's move on. (Bitter much?)

So.... I vowed to myself that I was not going to be that obnoxious pregnant girl on Facebook. I was not going to post pictures of every ultrasound, of every month's baby bump, and status updates of every thing that my body was going through. Ugh, those girls are jerks.

Normal Brit

Ew, what happened to me? Just as I cranked that out and reread it, I'm thinking: geez, Brit. You need help. Time after the miscarriage has given me a thicker skin. It's a hard place to be when you expect everyone to tiptoe around your emotions and not celebrate their own happy moments. I mean, yeah. It's not fair that you are hurting and in pain. But what, you want everyone else to be miserable too? Who's the jerk now? Let it be known, I am happy for all of my fellow pregnant/recently pregnant friends/family members. And for all of those women who have miscarried or are dealing with fertility issues, don't lose hope ladies. I love you, and I know it sucks. And I want to offer all the support that I possibly can to you.

Pregnant Brit

I always thought that if I got pregnant, all my jealousy, sadness, and fear would go away. My thought was: Once I am pregnant again, I'll forget about this miscarriage, replace that pain with joy. Wrong. So so so wrong. So yeah, I'm in the pregnant club (great!) but now the jealousy turns into: Why can't I be as far along as them and know that it will be a healthy baby. And then the sadness never goes away. I just keep imagining how different life would have been with Vivian (yeah, we named her) Would she look like this new baby? What would her personality be like? But honestly, the fear has been the worst part. I couldn't believe that I've made it to the second trimester (Currently at Week 15). Supposedly, this is the safety zone. But knowing that isn't enough. My fear is unbearable sometimes. What if? What if? What if? Sure, most people have healthy babies. What if we're the exception? 

So, I sing  my mantra. The Beach Boys' "Don't Worry Baby." Not that the rest of the song actually applies to me since it's about a drag race, but the chorus is nice and catchy. And, I'm going through a Beach Boys phase right now.

"Don't worry baby, everything will turn out alright."

Ultrasound

Because of last time, Josh and I didn't feel the necessity to rush to a doctor when we found out we were pregnant. I mean, some doctors don't want to see you until 10 weeks, so what's the rush?

In China, this is very very different. You have to make reservations for your hospital delivery within the first 40 days of the pregnancy! I wish I would have known that. This has been a very stressful and educational experience. Here are some fun facts for you:

• Home births with a licensed professional present are illegal in Shanghai.
• In China, it is illegal for a doctor to reveal the sex of a child to expecting parents during an ultrasound, but I heard they will say "congratulations" if it is a boy.
• International hospitals cost the same if not more than hospitals in America (so this is absolutely not an option for us since we have no insurance)
• Local Chinese hospitals and VIP sections of local hospitals are very affordable but you must register within the first 40 days of your pregnancy to secure a spot for delivery. 
• Most hospitals/doctors don't require appointments. You go, you pay a fee to get a number, and wait until the doctor is available.
• Taxis are faster than ambulances in Shanghai.
• Chinese are quick to do c-sections even if they're unnecessary (This is my biggest concern).
• There is a one child policy in China, though you can have more if you have the money. We found an article a while back that said the fine for a second child is about $1500 (This is a lot for the average Chinese person). Many of my students have siblings because their parents are loaded.
• This^ policy doesn't apply to us while we're here because we're American and our baby will not have dual citizenship. 

I did a lot of research and found the perfect maternity hospital for us. It was affordable, it was close, and the best part: they advocated natural birth and are the only place in Shanghai to have a water birth. What? You're 3 months pregnant? Sorry, we're full.

Onto hospital two. Not as good as hospital one, but it would work. Nope... full.

Onto hospital three. I took off a day of work for this. We arrived early in the morning at Peace Maternity. It was a madhouse (the largest maternity hospital in the largest city in the world- if you can imagine). We paid our 10RMB ($1.50) to get a number. We waited an hour or so watching the numbers being called as women would stand up and go to the appropriate cubicle. Maybe an hour and a half, our number flashed on the screen. But, instead of showing the number, my name, and the room I was supposed to go to, my long English letter first and last name pushed the room number clean off the screen. So,  we go up to the counter trying to find someone who spoke English to point us in the right direction. After a bit of hassle (being stared at by everyone the whole time) I was directed to a room, but Josh was not allowed in. So, very nervously I sit down next to a woman's desk. Thank the Lord! She speaks English!! First she asked me what my problem or symptom was. "Oh it's not a problem. I'm pregnant!" I said. "She asked a few details about my medical history and asked if I had taken a urine test. Then she scheduled an ultrasound for the next day. I was so excited!

I woke up super early the next day, I kept imagining that special moment in a dark room with Josh holding my hand as a nice doctor would show us the head and body of the baby, and let us listen to a cute little heartbeat, all before sending us home with our very first picture of our little addition.

That's not an unrealistic expectation, is it?

hahahahahaHAHAHAHA!!!!

Rule No. 1 in China: Lower your expectations to ZERO. Always. Did I not make that clear enough? ALWAYS!!!!!!!!

Our ultrasound appointment was at 12:30. Josh and I left a little early so I could drink a massive slurpee to fill my bladder for it. I'm thinking, this appointment will be like one in America. You wait until your name is called, then you see the doctor. We didn't have an appointment to see a doctor. We didn't have an appointment to get an ultrasound. What we had was an appointment to get another number to wait for an ultrasound appointment. It was an hour wait before my number was called.  Surprise, Josh isn't allowed in. So after my number is called, I wait in another line outside a room. Slowly I move forward in line. I hear someone shout in Chinese, then a girl behind me pushed me forward and said, "that's you."

I go in to a dark room passing one ultrasound technician and pregnant woman. behind a curtain was a second technician, where she told me to lay down. I did what I was told.  She put the gel and machine on my belly and asked her if things looked ok. She shushed me and said, "not ready yet." I couldn't really see the screen since it was facing her. Then, she turned the volume up so I could hear literally two thumps: "bu-bump, bu-bump" before she turned down the volume and said disinterestedly, "heartbeat." I asked her if I could see. No. I asked her if I could take a picture. No. She typed up something as I was cleaning off my belly and getting up. As I walked out of the room, I tried to take a minute to look at the screen to point to it. I asked if this was the baby and she just brushed me off and told me to leave as she handed me the paper she had typed up. There was no picture. I got a 30 second glance at my baby on the ultrasound. I heard the heartbeat for 2 seconds. I was in that room for a total of 2 minutes. I was horrified. I was furious. This was supposed to be a magical, sentimental moment. Josh was supposed to be there. This woman completely ruined it for me. I was doing my best to hold in my tears as I went back out to meet Josh in the sea of people. Once we got out of the waiting room, I lost it. I was sobbing. I was livid. I can't even tell you the obscene things I was saying not only about this woman, but China in general.

Unfortunately, we couldn't just go home and deal with my out-of-this-world emotions. We had to go back up to the consultation section, get another number, and bring the ultrasound paper to the lady I saw the day before. When Josh went to pay $1.50 for a new number, the cashier asked, "You want this baby?" In shock he responded, "YES, I want this baby!"  Just another day in China.

I'm sitting in the waiting area, crying and cursing everyone I see staring at me. Again, an hour and a half goes by. My number is called, and this time we catch what room I am supposed to go to before my name filled the screen. I go to the room. The woman (different than yesterday) says something in Chinese and  motions for me to leave. A patient behind me said that she said I had missed my number. My eyes were welling up with tears again, and I told her that they just called it and that's why I am here. She said, I'm sorry, you have to go back to the nurses station. I came back to Josh (with unstoppable tears) and in Chinese, he tried to convey what was going on to these nurses. Eventually, one of them had us follow her around until she found a room we could go to. I sat down in a room, this time it was a male consultant sitting at the computer. He barely spoke English. He looked at my ultrasound sheet and told me for 12 weeks, the size and heartbeat were good and the baby was healthy. Finally, a moment where I didn't feel like an item on an assembly line. I inquired about the VIP section. After a day like this, I will pay more to be treated like a dang human. He told me to go to the 13th floor M-F for VIP. I felt relief that this would be my last experience in the local section of the hospital. Boy, we sure take things for granted in America.

No room at the inn

As soon as I had a chance, I made my way to Peace Maternity's VIP section. Josh was working, but it didn't bother me that I had to go alone since I knew there were English speakers in VIP. I rode up to the 13th floor and the elevator opened up to a very beautiful atrium. I felt like I was in a movie. This is Jack Dawson coming up from steerage to have dinner with Rose in first class. Families were walking around holding babies. Plush chairs and fancy wallpaper adorned the room. This was a completely different scene than on the first and second floor. I approached the nurses station and asked if anyone spoke English. A nurse led me into a small office where there was a young woman on the phone. After a few seconds, she finished her phone call and asked how she could help me. I said I was interested in delivering in the VIP, and that I've already had an ultrasound in the local section. But, once I told her my due date, I was out of luck. "Sorry, we're full."

Off I went, trying not to cry. As usual.

"Don't worry, baby"

So what is our game plan, you ask? That's a great question. We've thrown around almost every option we can think of... even the extremes of having an unassisted birth at home (yeah, my mom freaked out when I told her that one) or flying to Bangkok where we could afford an international hospital and potentially get more say in matter. Most may not know this about Josh and I, but we are very much interested in natural birth with no interference. A woman's body was designed to give birth, so let her do it already. This is tricky in China because they sometimes don't have the patience for long labor (and as illustrated by my ultrasound) they just want to get you in and out to make room for the next person. I've been in contact with many people who've done all the different types of births I've mentioned. I've found a great online community of fellow expat moms in Shanghai (Appropriately named ShanghaiMamas.org) where I've already gotten great recommendations and first hand accounts of their birth experiences in Shanghai. I've recently met a friend who is going to take me to the same hospital she's delivered her three children at. Of course I'm nervous, because there is always a chance that the hospital will be full and I'll get turned away for the 4th time. But I have hope and I have faith. So far, this baby is healthy and growing. "Everything will turn out alright."

The Worst.

Maybe I've been purposely been lagging in my blog updates because I'm truly struggling to write about negative experiences in an upbeat manner. I really try to be optimistic when considering all the bizarre occurrences and encounters that have happened while we've been in China. I'm going to tell you about our trip back home from Kunming to Shanghai. I'm pretty sure Josh will also vouch for the fact that it was THE WORST. I'm not one to throw around "the worst" like so many teeny boppers do either. (Trust me kids, Algebra is not the worst. A FORTY hour STANDING ROOM ONLY train ride is.) The reason that the train was so packed was because Spring Festival/Chinese New Year is the one time of year that everyone in the country travels to be with their families. What the heck were we thinking?!

Now, I will proceed to quote my classy leather bound journal in which I wrote in midst of this journey.

2/11/13: When we arrived at the train station, I was super disappointed to find out that the only tickets available on the forty hour train ride to Shanghai were standing room only. 40 HOURS!! I swallowed my pride...spoiledness...entitlement and gave myself a pep talk. First we got on with our huge backpacks and hand luggage, parking right near the door where the train cars connect. Okay, this won't be so bad, I thought. We were the only ones standing. I was imagining a packed rush hour subway car in Shanghai. Shortly after we took off, a conductor motioned for us to go into the car to have a seat. There were plenty to choose from! This wasn't going to be that bad at all. An hour or two in, we had to give up our seats, no worries though, it wasn't until a couple more hours that the train got packed. We lost our seats, of course, to the newcomers. We had to push our way to the train car joint again. The bathroom was in front of us, someone's luggage behind us, to the left the cold air and cigarette smoke came from the door's opening, and to the right was the trash can. I was leaning against the nastiest trash can where people were throwing all sorts of disgusting things, and occasionally hawked up loogies- spitting literal inches from my head. 

The conductor was nice enough to give us stools to sit on (for a child, not even one foot tall) So, there we squatted from about 10:30 pm to 8:00 am. Of course it is ridiculous to think that I slept for most of that. I absolutely did not. My rage inside just kept rising as I watched what was going on around me. People were spitting their sunflower seed shells all over the floor. The same floor where I saw a couple of people actually sleeping under the seats. And of course, the people were sleeping under the seats because several inconsiderate jerks were hogging rows of 3 seats to lie down! People were just spitting on the floor. At one point, a woman carried her pants-less child to the bathroom. Coming out, his dripping butt was right in my face. Another man passed up on waiting to take his kid to the bathroom. He went in between the cars (smokers' section) and pulled his kids pants down to pee right on the floor. He just walked away of course. Another man hit me hard right in the head with his luggage and didn't even acknowledge it. That only added to my already escalating headache.

 I did manage to get about 3 -20 minute chunks of sleep. I actually felt good when I slept, I even dreamed a little. It wasn't the disappointment of waking up from a good dream that got me. It was actually like the exact opposite of waking up from a nightmare. I woke up to the nightmare. I admit, soon after we were moved to the stools in the corridor, I had a meltdown. I was cursing everything about China (wouldn't you?) My level of fury was insane. All I kept thinking about was that we had to spend the equivalent of a work week hunched over next to the trash and toilet. One of the worst experiences of my life, a total buzz kill after being in such amazing locations the days prior.

2/12/13: Still on the train. We are halfway done. TWENTY HOURS LEFT. I can't believe we made this this long. Around 8 (I think) the seat hogs sat up and we got seats. Luckily, we haven't had to give them up yet. If we can last through the next night (tonight) we'll be golden. Hoping and praying....

We got the boot again! 

Back to standing for a few hours. Then a miracle happened. We were able to buy sleeper bunks. A MIRACLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously, I can't even describe the feeling I had when we made it to the sleeper car. Of course that had to be dramatic too. A conductor knew we wanted them, and that we would pay ( I think they were only like 40 bucks each). Finally bunks became available. At the beginning of our second night she mimed "sleeping" and with eager eyes, Josh and I were nodding "yes!" like maniacs. So, we had to climb over not just one car of people sleeping all over the floor, try 10. It was pretty comical actually. We were backpacking through this horror with the promise of paradise. And paradise it was! When we finally arrived at Car 2 (we were in Car 13) all the lights were off, and everyone was tucked away in their bunks. We hastily threw our bags on the overhead rack and crawled into our priceless beds. I couldn't even sleep I was just overcome with gratitude and happiness.

The worst really makes you appreciate the best, doesn't it?

Trouble in Paradise: Part 2 (But it got better!)

Did you notice is my last post there wasn't one picture of me smiling? I'll try to do better in this one.

Also, apologies that this post is coming 3 months late. Explanation soon to come...oh who are we kidding...eventually. So where were we?

Picture it: Island of Java, February 1, 2013........
Our bus arrived in the early evening to the train station. Luckily we were able to get seats on the next train which left within a couple hours. Josh and Jonny had a bite to eat (unfortunately, I stuck to my saltine crackers) The Indonesian trains are nice enough, the only bad (not so horrible) thing is that they don't have sleeper cars, which kind of stinks when you're on an overnight train like we were. For some reason, they thought riders would love to listen to random pop music at a loud volume all night long. And then the worst thing about this train (yeah, I would say the "most horrible" this time) is the dang squatter toilets. I've made my peace with them over they years, sure. But when you're sick.... and you just want to sit on a proper toilet.... and it's the middle of the night..... and you've already made 10+ trips to the squatter..... I'm not going to be dramatic. It wasn't the worst thing I've ever experienced, just super unpleasant.

But whatever. I survived.

We made it into Surabaya at around 4 am. We've always been so fortunate when we take weird flights or middle of the night trains. There is always someone there who wants to make a buck and will take us wherever we need to go. A taxi took us to a guesthouse, where we happily slept the rest of the early hours in soft beds.

Surabaya, Java, Indonesia

The next day, and pretty much the whole week, my activity level was very low. I spent a lot of time resting and reading while the guys explored.

A nice little hole in the wall near our guesthouse. Good food...just didn't help my tummy.

The woman is the owner of this little restaurant. I'm not sure if the man was related but he was super friendly. We found out he's just visiting home.  He now lives in Oklahoma and is a dentist. We told him we live in China. He told us that he doesn't like Chinese food but prefers Golden Corral. He's truly American now!

Here we went to the Arab Market. On the hunt for a hookah pipe!

Time to pray.

My tasty chicken and lychee drink

Josh's leg of lamb

The next day, Josh and I found this little coconut stand where this guy made us a kind of coconut float with the pulp and water. That stuff at the bottom is like a honey juice. This also did not help my tummy- but it was so delicious, I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

As we checked out of the guesthouse, the workers there had to get a picture with us. Fascinated by the whities?

Our last day in Surabaya, Josh researched the sights. We hired a taxi to cart us around from place to place. With the meter running, it only cost us about $15. This is a pretty cool Chinese style mosque.

The biggest mosque in Indonesia

A pretty Catholic church

We took Jon back to our little hole in the wall restaurant. Our friend wasn't there, but the owner's sister was and she loved practicing her English. Those boys were her nephews, and she tried to get them to talk to us, but they were way too shy- complete opposites of their aunt!

After all our running around, we hit up a bookstore to find "The Little Prince."  We were unsuccessful. We caught our train to Jakarta; another miserable all-nighter.

Jakarta, Java

Arriving in Jakarta, we all were beat. I think the unfamiliar foods were also starting to catch up with the boys, and we all spent most of our days there resting. The good news is that Josh finally found an Indonesian copy of "The Little Prince."

Obama Fans Club.... oh darn, I wanted to eat here.

The guys stocked up on their java from Java. I think Josh brought back 10 kilos.

After many long naps, it was time to catch a flight to Phuket.

I really enjoyed our time in Indonesia. Though I didn't have much of an appetite, and didn't do much, the Indonesian people were so friendly. I hope to go back and enjoy myself without the accompaniment of a stomach bug.

Phuket, Thailand

Josh and I were so excited to get back to the paradise we were lucky to call home for a month two years ago. You know me, I was ready for Thai iced tea and my most favorite cuisine in the whole world. I wasn't going to let my stomach stop me!

Josh and Jonny had their own reason to be excited to arrive in Phuket. It just so happens that their grandpa and a few friends built a hunting cabin way up north in Minnesota. For years they hunted every winter together, and passed the tradition on to the sons and grandsons. One of the second generation hunters, Kurt owns a hotel on Patong Beach in Phuket. As fate would have it, he and his father Roger (one of Josh's grandfather's best friends and original hunting cabin member) were in Thailand at the same time! Kurt invited us to stay at his lovely Summer Breeze Hotel, and who knew I would meet these family friends for the first time on the other side of the world?

Kurt, Me, Josh, Jonny, and Roger

Seriously, how cool is that?

It was wonderful to be back in Thailand. I love the people, the food, the weather.... everything. The one thing that I HAD to do this time around was ride an elephant. I kept putting it off last time we were here, and so it became top priority.

Halfway through our ride, the elephant driver tried to sell us jewelry made with the elephants baby teeth. "The money goes to help feed the elephants," he said. Josh told him that he was pretty sure they would still feed the elephants even if we didn't buy something.

Baby elephants are the cutest!!

Well, I can check that off the list.

We stayed on Patong Beach, which is definitely not our favorite part of Phuket. There are tons of tourists, and honestly, it's kind of trashy. Josh was quick to rent motorbikes for us so we could hit up our old stomping ground, Phuket Town.

We had a mini-TEFL Reunion with Ed and Eoin, who both stayed in Phuket to teach. I love these guys! This was the restaurant that was in between the school and hotel we stayed in last time. We went there everyday, and it's still totally awesome! It was also amazing to see how much cheaper things were in Phuket Town compared to Patong.

We also were super excited to take Jonny to our "secret" beach we found two years ago. When we were there, it was completely isolated. We were all alone there with our own private restaurant. Two years sure makes a difference.

Secret beach in 2011

2013: What??

Oh no! There weren't even any chairs last time we were here!

Go figure.

Oh well, kudos to the secret beach restaurant for getting more business in the last two years.

Our time in Thailand was great, but way too short for my taste. As usual, there is always a part of me that wants to forget the rest of world and stay there forever. One day we'll make it happen. After a few days in Phuket, Josh, Jon, and I flew to KL where we would part ways.

Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

It's funny to think that the last time I was in Malaysia, I thought something along the lines of: wow, this is so awesome. I'll probably never come here again since it's so far away from home. Well, lucky me being wrong :)

Josh made Jonny try durian. Wasn't I right, Jon? Tastes like a rotten mango!

I truly think this is my favorite restaurant in the entire world.

Since we only had a day in KL, we decided to spend it in Little India (You know, since our original itinerary for this trip was to go to Big India). We had fun.

Oh yeah, Happy Chinese New Year!

The next day, we said our goodbyes to Jon. He headed back through Thailand to catch a flight home from Bangkok. We flew to Kunming, China, where we traveled north by train to Shanghai. I'll tell you all about that interesting experience in the next post....